just a breakheart for the first

i dont know, is it my fault?
i just act like a girl, a normal girl.
aku bisa menangis hanya karena sebuah ucapan yang tiba-tiba masuk ke inbox ku siang tadi.
aku ga pernah menyangka sebuah bercandaan bisa menjadi bumerang dan menghancurkan hidupku sendiri.
Fine, IM LEBAY!
siapa sih yang gatau dari jaman SD aku adalah si DRAMA QUEEN yang kecolek sedikit bisa jadi kaya adegan film tersanjung sampe season 7.
Aku si nona lebay, galau, DRAMAQUEEN, si cewek yang selalau berhasil membuat seorang cowok langsung ilfil pada kencan pertama.
aku punya keahlian itu,makanya aku selalu jomblo.
Dan entah kenapa ini terulang lagi, dan mungkin bakal membekas banget di hatiku smpe tua.
aku menulis ini ketika perasaanku lagi kacau kacaunya, akibat ujian infras yg bikin jengkel.  ditambah sms yg bikin kacau suasana hatiku buat ngerjain tugas MTP. Dosa apa gue? dosa apa??


I have a date with someone, call him MR.X. he just my senior in my campus, and dont ask bout how i can knew him and he knwe me.
it's a long story why he took approach to me, maybe he's got blindness when he saw me. im ugly, im chlidish, im unperfect.
Fine, after the date, i wrote something in my twitter. just to show up my happines bout my satnite, extraordinary satnite actually. and nothing crazy responses from my friends.
and, suddenly my friend wrote something in twitter, and she mentioend MR.X. I was surprised, i just knew he has a twitter account. i just make it laugh when she wrote it, i think it just ,,, just kidding..BERCANDAAN.
And i was realized that he didnt send me some mssges all day as usual. I sent him twice this morning, and finally he replied that when i was going to lunch. And when i opened the mssge, i cant continue my steps to go lunch, i prefer back to my boarding house and thought how to reply the mssge.
Finally, i got some sentences, normal sentences to send it back to him.
And till now, he hasnt reply it yet.
im going to cry.. it was so dramatic for me, when someone feds up on me.
im okay, i just need someone to tell, i need SUNFLOWER, my BFF.
i cant tell him what happens, i dont know what should i do.he looks like very very angry with me.

for you, MR.X, who's standing outside there.. i just take my apologize from you.i never know it'll get like the end of world (you know im superlebay in this part).

i know what kind of people you are. i never blame my friends, you or whatever, i just blame myself.

yap, maybe it's time to end up our approach if you want. thanks for giving my sadness, my crazyness, my extraordinary satnite and exactly my tears. You never know me, you never understand me.

aku terlalu rapuh buat kamu senggol dengan sms macam itu, aku terlalu cengeng buat ga nangis cuma maslah kaya gini doang.
aku terlalu ga banget buat bisa hdup kaya biasa. aku hanya bisa merusak semuanya, karen akau tau aku ga pernah berbakat untuk hal semacam ini. salahkah aku?

i didnt mention your name here. bcs i know you'll get angry again to me. and i never tell it to my mother as usual, i always tell about everybody who has make me cry or make me laugh.

the decission on your hand. =D


*mendung dengan linangan air mata itu kadang bikin ngantuk.